Beauty

the broken parts…

Silence and Chaos, Abandon, Brokenness, Beauty, Tennessee, Christian Bloggers, Christianity,, Life, God, Photography, Moody photographyIf we were going to all agree on something–I think it would be safe to say that we are all human. We are all full of flaws and have things about ourselves that we wish we could fix, that we wish could be different, like someone else. We would agree that there are pieces of us that we don’t want other people to see, our broken parts, our battered and neglected pieces that keep us afraid from letting in the light.

We find comfort in darkness and we take pleasure in people only being able to see the bits and pieces that allow us to appear as though we have it all together. From those dark places we judge and criticize others for not appearing as cool as we’d like to portray ourselves. I’m guilty of this  daily but are you willing to admit that you’re guilty of this too? I’m not here to convict you only to help you become aware of just how human you really are.

I grew up in a Christian family and somewhat Christian environment and I say that with hesitation, because looking back I see that there were so many things taking place that God would never stand for. I’m wiser now and have obtained more knowledge as to what the love of God is–and how he wants us to live for HIM, and what that should look like from day to day. This portrait reminds me of all that brokenness I  harbor inside of me, all of the fragments, torn bits and pieces that I try to hide from you on a weekly basis. Those pieces that I’m trying to reveal through this blog and by taking baby steps in my daily life.

I sit with coffee in my hand, or in silence in my car and sometimes I stare at the ceiling why I lie in bed and think of my life. I think of what it may look like to other people through my words, actions and behaviors and if that portrayal is true. And if I had to be honest, I’d say it probably doesn’t. Sometimes I want to break a plate on the ground, take a photo and post it to Instagram with the caption. “today, was a shitty day and i want a do over.” But I resist because cursing isn’t of my nature and my pastor says that bitter & sweet don’t come from the same place. But that doesn’t change the fact that the broken plate I didn’t photograph is still the way I felt.

I want to talk with God, you know, literally talk to God in a one on one setting. I want to inquire as to why I have so many broken parts? Why can’t I just be the person he wants me to be without the trial and error? How come I can’t refuse the urge to curse, be negative and cynical every time I feel overwhelmed? I want to know why I struggle with addiction? Why can’t my father and I have an authentic relationship? Why does my mother feel the need to lean on me for support when I feel as though I have nothing left to give? Why can’t marriage be like the Hallmark movies? Why are we so hard to satisfy as people? Why is good never good enough?

Maybe, you have some questions for God burning in your heart? I’d love to hear what they are and how are you currently dealing with the broken pieces of you?

Beauty in Everything

Ever since I was young. I’ve been a daydreamer. I would constantly find myself in a gaze of bewilderment about the most random of things. Things that most of you normal people would never think about. But after all, what is normal? Who sets the criteria for these standards? And whose there to judge them to see if they qualify to make the rules. Maybe I’m over thinking this a little bit.

I remember my teachers would say. “Charles, you’re different.” And they were right. I am. But is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? Who’s to know. I remember sitting on a hill during recess and watching everyone else play. And I was observing the way that people interacted with each other. The hand-pats on the back, fist bumps and awkward stares. The way the sun-rays made ones face wrinkle when piercing the eyes. As I grew older, I realized not very many people saw the world the way I see it. And that was okay. I’m different.

Sometimes I would sit in the yard and look at the different layers of life in the grass. Red eyes and a runny nose later, I observed another world that you only heard of in the science books. And it was beautiful. The blades of grass, all different heights, shapes and sizes. The dew that covered the blades, shiny and translucent. The bits of dirt that stuck to the dew, that adorned the blade, that came in all shapes and sizes. It was beautiful.

God is clearly an artist without boundaries. His brush strokes effortless and perfect. The emotion behind the colors he creates. Have you ever taken time to look at the palm of your hand? Probably not! because it sounds foolish. But the detail in that palm is worth more than earthly treasures. Every line dramatically reaching in towards the center. Look closely at the resemblance of your palm to the vein structure of a leaf. It’s a reminder that it is our flesh that is of this earth, not our spirits. We were beautifully designed for community and procreation to spread the Gospel.

I’ve always dreamt of a simple life in the middle of God’s Country. You know. Some picturesque cottage in the middle of the wilderness. A view of the mountains and the rustle of a nearby stream. I love nature and I adore the fact that it changes from coast to coast. Continent to continent. I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into the mind of an artist. If you take a second glance, it’s so easy to find beauty in everything.